I tried to submit a ticket, but I got a canned response saying I need an upgraded tier for support:

I've never had these before. However, these days I'm seeing them every now and again. The next call after the last one actually worked -- and I was already authed fine on a cat6 wired 500mbps connection, showing signs of temporary (~5 seconds) server-side instability spikes: But long enough to desync things and skip crucial calls completely.

PS -- are staff monitoring this forum?